In your personal finance journey, possessing great negotiation tactics will be one of the key skills that will play a significant role in not only helping you manage money but also make money. Negotiating can lead to higher salaries, reduced bank fees, interest rates and better boundaries around your money life.
I’m excited to have the amazing opportunity to feature Top Negotiation Expert, Fotini Iconomopolous who will lay out the types of negotiation tactics needed to make you an excellent negotiator.
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Fotini is a professional negotiator and recently released her book, “Say Less, Get More: Unconventional Negotiation Techniques to Get What you Want” which outlines activities to improve negotiation skills with a focus on relationship building and finding common ground.
Let’s deep dive into how negotiation works and build an action plan to improve negotiation skills using Fotini’s tips and strategies.
You’ll learn the following about negotiation from this interview:
- The definition of negotiation
- The importance of pausing in a negotiation
- How to negotiate a job offer and performance review
- What a BATNA is and why it’s great to have one
1. How do you define the term “negotiation”?
It’s simply a conversation between two (or more) people trying to reach an agreement. Most people assume it’s related to cash but we’re negotiating for things well beyond cash that will reduce our stress levels and improve our lives.
2. Why is negotiating such a critical part of life and why should it be practiced by everyone?
We negotiate every day and in all walks of life. You might be someone who negotiates in the boardroom or not. But you’re definitely having negotiations at home with family members, friends, and maybe even your pet!
If you can find productive ways to have these conversations without all of the friction then you can improve your life as well as the lives of those you interact with. Can you imagine if every conversation at home didn’t have to turn into an argument? Or if you could find ways to ease a kid’s temper tantrum a lot faster?
3. What are the key characteristics of becoming a great negotiator? What are the negotiation tactics people should think about?
A great negotiator will tap into their empathy. They can consider things from the other party’s perspective and use that to advance their objectives. And they may even be able to help the other person along the way. If you’re only thinking about things from your perspective you could be blindsided and you may miss out on valuable opportunities to advance your cause (and their’s).
4. You were called “The Negotiator” as a child at six years old, tell us more about how you use negotiation in your everyday life?
I grew up in a very strict household so I learned to negotiate with my parents to get opportunities that other kids may have had automatically. Parties? Extra-curricular activities? Going to the park? All of it was a negotiation because it wasn’t something my parents were going to offer up. I had to be pretty stealthy about how I approached my parents and developed communication tools that have helped me in all sorts of scenarios.
I can walk into conversations as an adult anticipating the objections people may have and how to work around them. I can find opportunities to improve situations around me with little resistance. From better care at the hospital to minimizing my banking fees, there are opportunities around us every single day to make improvements and reduce our stress.
5. How did you become an expert negotiator? What are the moments that lead up to this point?
My upbringing through trial and error as well as the role models in my household had a lot to do with my trajectory. But I recall when I was getting my MBA and I decided to focus on Organizational Behaviour because I figured I could learn a lot of the other subjects from textbooks and figure them out depending on what type of work I wanted to pursue.
If I could figure out how to master interpersonal relationships I knew that would help me in any area I chose. I didn’t realize at the time that it’s what negotiation is all about. It’s people talking to people. It naturally led me to a role in sales which involved negotiating constantly and eventually coaching and breaking down what worked for myself and others.
I have an insatiable appetite for learning and sharing those insights with others so that’s certainly elevated my game significantly.
6. In your book, you talk extensively about “the power of the pause,” please shed some light on this. Why is this such an important part of negotiating?
Most people assume that you’ve got to be quick on your feet and a smooth-talking salesperson to get what you want. The reality is that the opposite is true.
Great negotiators know how to shut up. Not only so that they can get valuable information from the other person but so they can collect their thoughts and filter what needs to be done before they spew something out that they may regret.
Thinking and talking at the same time is a dangerous habit they can get us into sticky situations. Pausing mitigates that risk and gives your brain to adapt to the circumstances.
7. Why are people, particularly women, afraid to negotiate and how do they overcome this fear?
There is an inherent fear of the unknown and the risk of not being liked. Whether we admit to it or not we all want to be liked—it’s in our caveperson instincts. Being perceived as aggressive or greedy will affect that likability factor but many people don’t realize that negotiation doesn’t have to be perceived as aggressive.
Women are particularly susceptible to this fear because there is still a deep-rooted bias for women in negotiation. We have to work extra hard to balance being assertive vs being perceived as aggressive.
If you can go into a negotiation with an attitude of curiosity and inquisitive nature that will take the edge off of the potential aggression.
8. Let’s shift gears to salary negotiations, it’s become a hot topic these days. What are the key factors to consider when going into a salary negotiation?
When it comes to salaries it’s important to come prepared. Know your value out on the market. Coming to the table with objective information (not opinion) on what someone like you should be worth to the company makes you far more credible and makes it a lot harder for them to credibly turn you down.
You also want to make sure that you’re looking at the total compensation picture instead of staying too narrowly focused on just salary. What other things can the company do for you that will help you keep more money in your bank account. Expenses? Working from home to save on daycare fees? Commissions? What else can help both of you to manage the risk and rewards of working together?
9. A lot of people are always fearful that asking for more may make them seem greedy or give a perception that they love money, how can they confront this mindset?
You’re never going into a negotiation thinking “how can I bankrupt these people.” Focus your energy on “what can they afford to do for me?” You’re going to have the research on what others in your field are paying so you can feel confident that you’re not being over the top.
Conveying to them that you’ve done this homework will also help manage the perception that you’re simply asking for what’s normal as opposed to having some bloated opinion of yourself.
10. In the book, you talk about “starting with the why” when one is going into a negotiation scenario, why is this so important especially in a salary negotiation?
This all about that empathy bit. If you can think about things from their perspective then you can figure out a way to engage them. If it’s about them they’re going to tune in. If you go in talking all about you it’s not appealing to their ego and that’s when they could start thinking of you as greedy.
In salary negotiations consider how making you satisfied with your salary can benefit them.
You can be a more productive employee, a better leader, someone who isn’t going to be one foot out the door waiting for the next good offer to come along.
11. Let’s talk about BATNA, what is it and how does it help to improve salary negotiations?
BATNA is a Harvard term for the Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. It’s the Plan B. If this doesn’t work out what do you next? The better the alternative you have the less likely you are to agree to something stupid and the more firm you can be.
A good BATNA is a great source of power and confidence. The more of them you have the better off you will be. But don’t forget to consider things from their perspective.
What BATNAs do they have up their sleeve and how can you make sure they know how much better it will be for them to find an agreement with you?
12. How should people handle a salary negotiation for the following: Job Offer, Performance Review, Lateral Moves?
I could go on forever here but I’m going to keep it simple because the same rules generally apply.
- Come in prepared. Know your value and be prepared to talk about what you’ve been bringing to the table and what you know you’ll be able to do in future based on your performance.
- Consider those benefits from their perspective and be aspirational about you deserve.
- Practice. Don’t wait to say all of these things for the very first time when you’re under the most stress. Practice in front of a mirror or with a friend. Consider what questions they may ask and how you’ll respond if they say no. Then revise what you want to say until you’re comfortable.
13. Your book is a fascinating read and lays out the negotiation process in such a comprehensive, digestible way. It’s also very relatable. What are the key takeaways you want readers to have after reading your book?
The title, “Say Less Get More“, is the key takeaway from this book but it has two meanings.
The first is to say literally fewer words then you’re tempted to. Your confidence will be much more evident when you say less vs talking yourself out of a deal by giving away too much information or making too many proposals that can do you a disservice.
The second meaning is what I talk about all the time. Take the time to pause. Say less and think for a minute before you start giving away too much information or too much value. Say less and think about why you deserve to get what you want and what they can afford to do for you before you let your nerves get the best of your and start giving things away.
You’re going to get so much more out of every conversation when you take the time to think and are more measured in your words. Sometimes more means more information, sometimes it’s cash in your pocket but taking your time to think things through will always serve you well.
14. What was your motivation to write this book?
The easy answer is that someone at HarperCollins asked me to! But I carved out the time to do it because I wanted to make all of the information I have in my brain accessible to everyone.
Not everyone gets the chance to sit in one of my audiences or can afford to take one of my workshops. And a lot of the information out there is good but not as inclusive as I’d like it to be.
It was really important that my audiences have a resource that they feel confident will work for them, no matter what group they belong to or where they’re coming from.
My hope is that my book is the ramp that is accessible to all vs some of the resources that I see out there that are like the stairs, useful for the majority of those who are privileged to be able to use them.
Everyone can use the ramp. Not all can get up those stairs.
Conclusion
These negotiation tactics are sure to make you go into your next negotiation with confidence, wisdom, and power, ready to win in that situation.
Never forget the power of pausing and also learning the art of being curious. Thank you Fotini for your sage words of wisdom and pick up her book, “Say Less, Get More” for more guidance on this path.
And don’t forget to negotiate!
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